Yahweh

I guess this is becoming an every other month thing I wish it was more often I am going to try harder!
So today and these past few weeks I have done a lousy job of trusting and resting in the Lord. I have been stressed and worried but I bring it upon myself. There have been days in the last few weeks when I get to dinner time for the kids and realize I haven't eaten all day- and for those of you who know me, you know I LOVE to eat, I am not one of those girls who likes to not eat- I probably should learn to do that more often but I don't! So besides work, 3 kiddos, holidays, traveling hubby blah blah blah whats been stressing me?
Kindergarten. This is one subject that for me is hard to speak about it is almost to hard to write about. I am already dreading the day I have to take my sweet girl to this "big" school put her in the hands of most likely a stranger and be away from her for an entire day. Who is going to hold her hand? Introduce her to new friends? watch her eat lunch? play with her hair? hug her? tell her how beautiful and smart she is? I know those of you with older girls are laughing at me saying "just wait" but let me deal with it one step at a time.... So I am counting down the days I have left with her, 9 months. I have already told my mother to be here and ready the first day of school because I am probably going to need to be committed. But what kind of faith is that? It is not, it is fear, complete and utter fear I keep telling myself- Public or Private, you will need to be covering her in prayer anyways so what does it matter? Do I trust that God will provide the money to send her to a Christian school or do I trust that if we send her to public He will have his hand on her. Today one of my best friends started the looking process and again talking about it made me ill- I don't want to do something just because someone else does it- (even though she is amazing =) I want what to do what is best for Lily Grace and what the Lord wants me to do, but the selfish part of me wants Lily Grace in a bubble and to thrive- so after talking to my friend I talked to Jeffery (he is away on business) and while I am on the phone I hear my Pandora radio on the computer singing "I need you, oh I need you blessed savior come..." When I hang up the phone I hear it again "I need you oh I need you." And I just start agreeing with it in prayer- oh how I need you and your perfect word... It is a song by The Swift (who I had never heard of). I google the song and love the lyrics (even though one verse is a bit drastic), in part of it he calls the Lord Yahweh and the way he said it just made me want to say it and pray it, so then I look up the definition of "Yahweh" you know what it is?? besides being a name for the "God of the Old Testament" it means "I am the one who will be there [for you]." Right then I knew it would be OK He is there for me He is speaking to me even now in my psychosomatic state - oh Yahweh thank you! I know I know you think Kindergarten really? this is causing that much turmoil and restlessness and anxiety?? JUST YOU WAIT till it is your turn! Yes, sometimes I think I love my children too much- but NO that is not possible, and to imagine that my Yahweh loves me more, loves them more? AMAZING....

My Boss, Pastor, friend always refers to and prays to the Lord as "Abba", "Daddy" and I was always so jealous because when He says it, he means it ;like he is 10 again and sitting on His lap. I wanted to find that name to cry out to the Lord and feel like I was in His presence and somewhat understood how amazingly good and loving and wonderful He is. Yahweh it is "I am the one who will be there for you." So relax!!! stop worrying about it all. It is interesting to me that in the NIV Mathew Chapter 6 there is a section called "do not worry" love that chapter. In The message that same section is called "a life of God-Worship." Wow what a great and different perspective. Again, STOP WORRYING, live a life of God worship what a better way to spend my time. My mom told me a while ago to spend the first 15 minutes of your day worrying and then get over it nothing you can do, but give it to the Lord. At first I thought she was CRAZY! (Love you mom). But she is right, I spend so so so much time worrying, time to get over it. Time to live a life of God worship not worry. It will not be easy but I am going to give up my addiction to worry- if you catch me doing it I give you permission to put me in my place!
When it comes down to it, the Lord blessed me with a strong, beautiful daughter that has a contagious personality that will thrive just about anywhere ( I am not biased or anything) so I want to praise Him for that instead of worry about what He is going to do with her!
Yahweh, thank you! I love you!

3 is My Magic Number

I haven't blogged in two months. Most likely because my world has officially been rocked. For my nine months of pregnancy I had the voice of my eldest brother in the back of my head "three is going to rock your world, it is much harder than two and once you get past three it is nothing, but three, three is hard." At the time I thought "thanks, appreciate the confidence and encouragement." However, I have seen the light, know the truth and am a testimony to "three is hard." Did you know that three is a pretty significant number in literature, religion, history and so on? In of course Christianity you have the Holy Trinity; the Greeks and Romans had 3 Graces; the Vikings, 3 Norms; Shakespeare, 3 witches; Buddhism has the 3 Jewels. The Chinese think 3 is a good number because the word is similar to the word "life." Supposedly when plays were written (especially Shakespear's) the writer would repeat things 3 times to address the three sides of the audience right, front and left. Things were also repeated three times in books, plays and music to make a point force you to remember. If you say something once you are purely stating a fact, if you say something twice it could be coincidence, but three times- that is to prove a point. If you google information about the number 3 you can see that the list goes on and on. I tell you what I think of the number 3- it rocked my world, it is hard, and yes it is filled with LIFE.

My sweet little Ava was a different bird from the get go. The pregnancy was harder, she did NOT STOP moving while in Utero ( my other two had very distinct awake and asleep times). I had not one but five false alarms thinking I was in labor. I tried to do this delivery natural for some ridiculous reason and ended up having a C-section because this little stinker was happy where she was and would be danged to come out one minute sooner. I labored for weeks with this child. And all for what? LIFE. Ava in some name books means "filled with life" and I knew the Lord gave me that name- Jeffery and I disagreed for weeks on it. Her spirit filled life has continued as an infant- she wanted to sleep all day and not at night the first week she was home, then decided she liked the night and wanted to stay awake all day to see what was going on, who was doing what and if she liked it or not and then would scream in the evenings because she was so exhausted from not sleeping all day. I am not sure "spiritually speaking" where this blog is taking me BUT God has given me life through this little girl coupled with my two others and I am suddenly becoming more aware of life around me. They love on her, dote on her "Pet" her all the time. Three has become my favorite number. We have gone from controled chaos to just plain chaos and I love it.

We were blessed enough to take Lily Grace to see Mary Poppins with our awesome friends Nathan and Celia and there sweetie Mia. MY GOSH the life that came out of those two girls that night! Even at dinner they could not sit still. There little dresses, holding there hands walking downtown to the "real theater not the movie theater" and there precious beautiful faces so filled with LIFE when they watched the dancing and singing. I truly will never forget that picture of life... I want to look like that at the things I am surrounded by, in awe, wonder and disbelief that I am this lucky...

Yes, I am exhausted, yes there are times when I feel like a horrible parent because I have raised my voice handed out spankings one too many times in one day... even as I write this blog I gave the kids a frustrated bath because I HAD to. Or I feel like a horrible wife because at the end of the day when I can say I love you I cant even get it out because my body is slowly shutting off for the night. But, I love it. There are two quotes I love from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" one I will share at another time the other is when the mother says to the daughter "I gave you life so that you could live." What an awesome statement from the Lord. And what a wonderful gift we have as women to give life. I know my three angels 9 months longer than anyone else- that is AWESOME. I was reminded of this gift today as one of my best friends Graylynn brought sweet baby James into the world- what a privelidge what an awesome thing we women can do. Even women that cannot physically give birth or conceive... they sure as heck can give life. I have truly lived these last 8 weeks and soaked in all the chaos that the Lord has blessed me with: 3 kids, 2 dogs, 2 jobs(that I get to stay at home and do), a traveling husband, wonderful friends and a partridge in a pear tree. The Lord has given me so much life so that I may live it. I can only hope that i honor Him in what I do on a daily basis.

So I guess what you can grab from this... He gave you life so that you could live it, live it well and without complaint. Look around you every second at the life He has given us...

For Ava McKay Alexander
July 9th, 2010
8lbs 6ozs
21 inches long
"practically perfect in every way"

Romans 8:22-28 The Message

As I am praying this morning for my doctors appointment to "jump start" my labor today, the Lord (via my mother) gave me this verse. Romans 8:22-28

22-25 All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good>

It is so exciting to me knowing that every detail of my life and my children's lives are worked into something good- already...

"Hanging on"

Most of you know we are expecting our third child (Ava) any day now. My official due date is July 19th. Both Lily Grace and Tripp were a week early, and for some reason I guess it being the third by body started to labor very early this time and we have been playing the waiting game. Knowing that it could be any second- or another 20 days has been so frustrating. The first two weeks of "waiting" I spent running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Every time i had a middle of the night bathroom run I thought for sure my water would break, with every contraction (painful or not) I would sit down and start timing. We had a false alarm hospital run, and a "bummer" of a doctor appointment this week when there was no change. Needless to say lots of stress. But for what?? I have a perfectly healthy baby inside me, I am healthy my family is excited we are ready. Why on earth would I rush this girl and not let her cook a little longer? Yes, I am crazy!
Lily Grace and I have been doing a devotion every night (super simple for a four year old) but isn't it funny how sometimes God needs to talk to me like I am four?
This is what it said:

"God Will answer your prayers"'
Just like a parent with a child God wants to hear your every care; He promises to answer you When you take it to Him in Prayer."
(it had these verses written below)
"And if you ask for anything in my name, I will do it for you. Then the Father's glory will be shown through the Son. If you ask me for anything in my name, I will do it." John 14:13-14

"Continue to ask, and God will give to you. Continue to search, and you will find. Continue to knock, and the door will be open for you. Yes, everyone who continues asking will receive. He who continues searching will find. And he who continues knocking will have the door opened for him." Mathew 7:7-8

"So I tell you to ask for things in prayer. And if you believe that you have received those things, they will be yours." Mark 11:24

"When you pray, you should go into your room and close the door. Then pray to your Father who cannot be seen. Your father can see what is done in secret, and he will reward you." Mathew 6:6

I have been surrounded by people doing the waiting game lately. Waiting to be healed from cancer, a brain tumor, waiting to hear if a tumor is malignant or benign, If they can have any more children, If in vitro will work this time, if this baby will come soon, if this baby is healthy, is a boy or a girl, if God would just answer this prayer. I really have felt like I was barely hanging on this past week. And these people coupled with a four year old's devotional have opened my eyes to the fact that all I have to do is ask, and I may not get what I want when I want it. But He for sure has an answer for me and all these people that is better than what we could have expected. His timing is perfect and for now all we are asked to do is hang on, hang in there, wait and go about it in a way that pleases him. He will give us the desires of heart one way or another- but always His way. This song I have played a million times and never heard it until of course yesterday as I am pouting about one more thing. God is so good to speak to me when and where and how I need it- watching Lily Grace twirl in the kitchen to it and realizing I have this precious time with she and Tripp before this new bundle comes. I will put the lyrics below for you to read!
Hang on, ask, pray, show Him your desires and they will be given to you!

Hanging On -Britt Nicole

You see my anxious heart
You see what I am feeling
And when I fall apart
You are there to hold me
How great Your love for me
Now I see what You're thinking
You say I'm beautiful
Your voice is my healing

Without You I just can't get by
So I'm

Hanging on to every word You speak
'Cause it's all that I need
Hanging on to every word You say
To light up my way
Even every little whisper I'm
Hanging on as if it were my life
I'm hanging on

And when the darkness falls
I can't see what's before me
Your voice is like the dawn
Always there to guide me

Without You I just can't get by
So I'm

Hanging on to every word You speak
'Cause it's all that I need
Hanging on to every word You say
To light up my way
Even every little whisper I'm
Hanging on as if it were my life
I'm hanging on

You know me better than I know myself
Better than anybody else
Your love is sounding like a ringing bell
Oh, oh, I won't let go

Hanging on to every word You speak
'Cause it's all that I need
Hanging on to every word You say
To light up my way
Even every little whisper I'm
Hanging on as if it were my life
I'm hanging on

Being "Present"

I must say I have been struggling with this topic for weeks now. A few weeks ago in a bible study we were challenged to become more "present." What the heck does that mean? Well I am slowly learning. I have never felt spiritual warfare as much as I did during this study and now I am understanding why.

I heard a quote once no clue where from I think it was actually a Disney movie " The past is what lies behind you, who knows what the future holds, but the present- well, it is a gift." Jeffery has been gone the last 12 of 14 days and I can honestly say that without the help from my mother and mother-in-law I would have been in Hell. There were times however, even just moments, that I was truly present and it was more refreshing, more relaxing, more rejuvenating than anything I have done in the last few weeks (even the pedicure today wasn't quite as gratifying). Usually on Mondays and and Wednesdays when LG is at school it is go time for Tripp and I. Errands, followed by some work, followed by some cleaning. This week however because i knew I would have time later, I allowed myself the freedom to watch him, play with him, go on an adventure down to the fish pond with him, look at the trees at bugs... And it was truly grand. I saw him for all he was worth. Instead of the loud, draining three year old boy he can be- he was engaging and exciting. I saw for a morning, what it was like to be present. So many times we are thinking, scheming, planning, plotting, working; and we miss A LOT.

We were also challenged in this study to ask ourselves the question Are you sitting around waiting on what you want God to GIVE you? What you can GET from Him? Or are you receiving the things He gives you on a daily basis no matter what size it is or what package it comes in. I was for sure focusing on getting from the Lord not receiving. Lord give me this baby soon, stop the ongoing whining from Lily Grace,calm down my three year old son, take care of the finances, the work load, make my husband what I want him to be, make my kids love me more, want to be be like me.... When really it should be thank you that this baby is healthy and strong, thank you that Lily Grace can share everything with me, that Tripp is fun and exciting and healthy, that we have finances to take care of, that my husband is being molded into who you want him to be, that my children think i hung the moon.. See the difference? How different would our daily lives be if we thought like that all the time. Honestly people that think that way all the time usually make me want to vomit BUT i bet they are really happy and full of joy.

Being pregnant (or even just being a mom), it can be challenging to do those two things: be present and constantly ask myself what has the Lord given me today- and thanking him for it. But that is my prayer for myself and anyone this reaches that you would be present- not miss out on what is right in front of you, it is a gift that we should be constantly aware of and not hoping, asking for something else something more...

Mathew 6:30-34 (The Message)
"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers-most of which are never seen- don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I am trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and they way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God initiative, God provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your every day human concerns are met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Temporary Home

I can honestly say that it takes a lot to make me truly angry, and I mean A LOT. I am just now able to write about this because I am still coming to grips with it (wink). In Jeffery and I's marriage we have come to the agreement that I do the inside of the house, Jeffery does the outside, that is how it has always been and it has worked quite to my advantage. There is ONE thing I did ask of my husband and that is to never ever touch the Ivy on my Chimney on the front of the house. And so what happened two weeks ago? He touched it- no he murdered it, removed it, slayed it. It is gone, and I have a big bare,exposed,bald brick chimney on the front of my cute yellow and white house. Needless to say when I saw it i was absolutely enraged but we had to go to a birthday party for a sweet little girl- together, in the same car sitting only a few inches from one another and I wanted to strangle him with the Ivy he removed from my precious house. I of course being the mature one ignored him the entire birthday party, got home and got straight in my car and left without a word to return a movie(that was not due back yet). And OF COURSE what song is playing as soon as I turn the radio on?? "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood. I love you Carrie- but lousy timing on your part. I said to myself "OK Lord I get it I am absolutely ridiculous this is a house and not even a permanent one. It is just a way to get there- to You. Yea, Yea, Yea I get it but I am still going to pout." Then, the next morning I go to teach my sweet Sunday school class and what is the lesson? You have a choice between two paths, it is that easy. One that leads to the Lord and one that does not. One that is well traveled, easy, wide. One that is narrow, less traveled, hard. And where does this narrow path lead? Heaven - store up your treasures in heaven not here on earth. "OK, Lord I hear ya AGAIN."

What is the point you say? my point is out of all the things in life that could enrage me I chose Ivy, and look what it gave me. A lousy day, a headache and a few contractions, burning eyes, a fight with my husband and I missed a few hours of fun play time with my children- for what??? Absolutely nothing. I don't even notice the Ivy being gone now, and when I look at pictures I think a little trim may have been a good idea! I could definitely use the excuse of "raging hormones" however I know for sure the Lord has been speaking to me about this for the last few weeks. Elizabeth, store up your treasures in heaven, take the narrow path, remember this is a temporary home- not where you belong, you are just passing through.

Below are the lyrics to the song just FYI

Temporary Home Lyrics

Little boy, 6 years old
A little too used to bein' alone
Another new mom and dad,another school
Another house that'll never be home
When people ask him how he likes this place
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face

"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."

Young mom on her own
She needs a little help got nowhere to go
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out
Because a half-way house will never be a home
At night she whispers to her baby girl
Someday we'll find a place here in this world

"This is our temporary home
It's not where we belong
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."

Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers don't cry for me
I'll see you all someday
He looks up and says "I can see God's face."

"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This was just a stop,on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this was
My temporary home."

This is our temporary home

My delight

Tripp and I had to run a million errands this morning after we dropped LG off at school. I dragged him to at least five different stores and was just waiting for him to crash... But he didn't. Now, had I taken Lily Grace she would have been "tired," in need of a "treat" or throwing her head back and grunting about something ( she has many many pluses but endurance has not been one of them yet.) Tripp on the other hand was making everything an adventure, and when he got tired he only told me once and I never heard another word. I suddenly realized that he is the perfect son to have two sisters. He is full of ALL boy ALL the time, but who better than he to put up with two high maintenance girls? He will truly know far more than most men. I also realized how much I was "delighting in him" this morning and I just find it hard to believe that my heavenly father could possibly delight in me that way. In no way do I make everything an adventure or complain only once and move on. I nag, I persist, I throw my head back and wail and stomp my feet and demand treats. What a wonderful father I have to put up with that every day all the time.

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.
2 Samuel 22:19-21
If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm;
Psalm 37:22-24
The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.
Psalm 147:10-12

It sounds like something simple- yes the Lord delights in me everyone who has been to Sunday school knows that. But, when you think about how truly wretched we are some days and how delightful we are others- it just seems like God has a hard job to love me the way he does. But I am so very very thankful.I love my children the same, adore them the same and would die without either, and He feels the same way about us- wretched or delightful. I just love it!

Crazy times!

WOW what a crazy few months it has been! I totally wimped out on the blog thing, thinking that I was totally inadequate but I take it back. I think the Lord could do some good things for myself and for others!

so first just a little update: We are expecting our third, yes our third baby in July! I am crazy right? We just found out recently that it is a girl. I just cannot imagine room in this house for another girl with Lily Grace filling it so well with her little shining light. BUT at my last Doctors apointment I was told this new baby girl was going to be fiesty! Any time the doctor would try to find the heartbeat baby girl would kick her! SO, I am thinking this one will be filled with life as well! Any recommendations for names are welcome we are stumped!

Lily Grace had her "miss manners" tea party this week at school and it was just too precious for words. All of the children were dressed up the boys in suites and the girls in "fancy" dresses and they drank from real china cups and used cloth napkins and learned their manners from their amazing teacher. Lily Grace is such a little pleaser already she was trying so hard to everything perfectly- I think when Tripp gets into that class we will have a different story to tell :) He is ALL boy and no room for anything else. He is either LOUD or LOUDER and I love it. How blessed am I to have one of each? The princess and the cowboy?

I have had some friends going through some hard times lately and the Lord gave me this either last week or the week before and it has been speaking to me since I hope it does for maybe the one person who reads this!

" As Christians we know, in theory at least, that the life of a child of God there are no second causes, that even the most unjust and cruel things, as well as all seemingly pointless and undeserved sufferings have been permitted by God as GLORIOUS opportunities for us to react to them in such a way that our Lord and Savior is able to produce in us, little by little, His own LOVELY character." - Hannah Howard

I love the word Lovely and long to be that , to have that lovely character. I am realizing now, all the things that need to occur to shape that in myself!