Fear... #31daychallenge #days6&7

So, I rested on the sabbath. Here are days 6&7 in one.

As an adult I have been very into Halloween. Not the horror movie, gory, voodoo lover halloween but the pumpkin loving, vintage halloween decor lover. I have no clue what brought it out in me. We were not huge on it growing up. I'm pretty sure we didn't "do" halloween for a few years growing up, maybe I'm just going overboard to make up for it? Never did I feel like I was missing out on anything but candy, and my oldest brother still thinks I'm walking on the dark side because I believe in Santa as well.... But it's fun, and my house looks pretty darn cute, and most importantly my kids love it. It is interesting to me what brings out the fear in them. They can watch the nightmare before Christmas ( I'm not a Tim Burton fan but for some reason I'm ok with this one) and not be afraid, watch most of Jurassic park and not be afraid, skeletons-check, ghosts-check, jack the pumpkin head-check... But you bust about the cute ghost that laughs and it makes Ava nervous, the orange halloween lights took both Ava and Max some time to warm up to, bugs, spiders... Heck no there is just no space for those in my house. It is a "scary" time if year. For some reason it has been very fear filled for me. 

I love some of random (sometimes cheesy) Facebook posts on God or scripture. Because 9 times out of ten I needed to read them. The latest one I came across was a small list, two columns, one column was things of God and one was things not of God. It irritates me that I cannot remember the entire list but I remember being surprised. Not because I didn't know that fear was not of God, but I was surprised at what a comfort the list was and how easy it has become for me to forget what is NOT of Him. So, I have been realizing two things during this spooky time of year. 1) I have been fear filled and that is not of God and 2) the fear has been geared toward my children- and they have become an idol. Which  is hard for me to even say because we make idol such a bad word- it's associated with horrible things but idols CAN be good things but those things can bred fear and other items off that list that are not from The Lord. Lily Grace's "ADD" ( I don't do labels but you know what I mean), Ava has had a bump on her head now for 10 days and you know where that takes my mind... Sometimes I think webMd,  as useful as it can be, I think it's satan. I love our pediatrician - she is constantly saying don't google, don't web md- I could diagnose my entire family with a fatal disease with no severe symptoms in minutes. FEAR. It occupies so much of my day to. One look at Lily Grace and I hate that she struggles, one brush of Ava's hair and I feel the bump, one cough from Max and I think he will never outgrow this asthma... Liz... FEAR it's not of The Lord! I think God gave this verse to me through my mom for so many reasons I quoted in day 1 I'll quote it again!  " God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, of love and a sound mind." Fear gives you no power, no love and for SURE not a sound mind. It makes you crazy. 

I had a sweet friend tell me today she had a panic attack while away from her children- we probably all have at one point. Especially that first time you leave your newborn baby to go on a date.... Uhhhh ecstatic and terrified all rolled into one. As my friend was telling me this I just felt so sad for her, For us, we miss out on so much because of fear. Our kids need daddy time, they need grandparent time it is actually good for them  to be away from you every once in a while! This mom in particular I know is crazy in love with her kids! She probably has the same problem I do, they have become idols, and instead of handing our children over to the master, we put the death grip on them, and what does that do? Chokes them and makes your hands tired. It is exhausting.... Worrying= not from The Lord either, and it can wear you out... We are so tired because we are so worried about our parents, friendships, children... Lily Grace tonight was worried on how to handle a situation at school and I threw the classic WWJD at her, but it's so true. Panic about the kids? WWJD? Panic about health? WWJD? I need to bring those bracelets back- they made the saying so cheese but it is so true! God did make a spirit of fear innate in us! 

Not really sure where all of this goes but it is where I have been stuck, and had I had more time with my friend I would have shared that, I'm there, a lot of us are fearful for different reason, but it's not from God. I read somewhere that "do not fear" is written 365 times in the Bible (I have not counted I do not know it to be true) but if it it is, that is a every day in a year reminder.... DO NOT FEAR. I am with you. 

I heard a song we sang in our high school youth group the other day on the radio and hit me now just like it did then 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you

And the waves, they shall not, overcome you

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you

I have called you by name, you are mine

For I am The Lord your God,

I am The Lord your God

I am the Holy one of Israel

Your savior

When you pass through the fire, you'll not be hurt

And the flames will not consume you

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you

I have called you by name, you are mine..."

Love it, love how God reminds me even in song. Do not fear...

Roots #31daychallenge #day5

I have been completely dried up today. I am not used to this blogging thing and have been feeling a bit fried. I do not typically write unless I hear from the Lord and this challenge has been wonderful because I am actively listening. I just received an email from one of the most wonderful women in my life that was encouraging me to write and attached were a few beautiful pictures Ill share of roots that she had come across today in the mountains and it inspired day 5! Thank you Sandy!

I use to be a children's director. When I was hired for the privilege, the ministry really needed a name and direction. The name I decided on was "Rooted" and the verse we used was of course: Ephesians 3:16-18 "(16) I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, (17) so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, (18) may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, (19) and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." I chose it for obvious reasons. 1- we all want our children to be rooted, grounded in Christ, and 2- I believe childhood is obviously the foundation of ones life, where your roots begin. All this time I had been thinking really the cliché that rooted just meant a foundation, ummmmm standing firm in Christ etc... I still believe that but I am beginning to think it means a lot more. The definition of the word "root" is three fold "1)the part of a plant that grows underground, gets water from the ground, and holds the plant in place 2)the part of a tooth, hair, fingernail, etc., that is attached to the body; 3)the cause or source of something." Webster goes on to use phrases like "an underlying support, close relationship with an environment, something that is an origin or source, the essential core..." Whoa, it is way more than what I was thinking. I was thinking a little bit on the lighter side like, the beginning of something. It is so much more than that, it is literally life-giving. Roots do not just support and keep something upright they give life, water, they are essential, they have a close relationship with the environment around them.

I named my blog rooted mom because that is what I long for. Little did I know what I was asking for, or even praying for my children. I had this pretty little picture in my head but in reality roots are strong, messy, complex. Roots can even cause some serious damage to homes, plumbing and other trees. They really are not to be messed with. This is some info I found while reading about roots "Tree roots serve two VITAL functions; they gather nutrients from the soil and they support the weight of the top growth of the tree. Like an iceberg, a large tree requires a large substructure..." So, they are Vital, necessary and if you want to be "big" or influential, strong, stand out, set apart... you have to have a large substructure. And not only do you need the substructure, it needs to be functioning constantly. Roots would be useless if they were not functioning correct? If they were not doing their job, the tree dies, rots, becomes top heavy and collapses. So not only do we need to be rooted, we need to have roots that are WORKING...constantly. Boom, my tree just fell...YIKES my roots are totally wimpy I will admit.

Never before have I put this much thought into this bible verse and it is SO important and has been so important in my life. We dedicated my oldest daughter with this verse and it has been VITAL to my walk with the Lord. It is amazing what going deeper can do, and how one verse can mean so much and yet when you dig in it can mean even more. I am being called to be rooted but it means so much more now, strong, vital, established, life giving, getting along with the environment around me, supportive and FUNCTIONING... all of these things I am called to be. That is a lot, and seems so daunting to me. Luckily we are well equipped roots. It is not like God just stuck a seed in the ground and said go for it. We are fortunate enough He has given us the tools to cultivate, grow, stand firm and most importantly to FUNCTION. I am so thankful for eyes to see and ears to hear. I pray only that I can function as I am called to...

Label Makers #31daychallenge #day4

Let me preface this one by saying... I am incredibly, terribly, horribly guilty of this. It is an ongoing struggle for me that the Lord has just recently within the last year opened my eyes to truly something I am BAD about and need to fix pronto. But it is like the wiring in my brain (or satan) just will not allow it. Or I guess I should give myself some grace and say I am better, more aware, but not healed. OK drum roll please... I am a label maker. I admit it. I label everything. I am not talking about the white ones that spit out of a machine (although I am guilty of those as well) I am talking about the ones in my head. I label people and usually pretty quickly within meeting them. Some are great and I feel really spirit led. Some are horrible. You have got to pardon the language on this but it is so so true (but on a much more G rated scale for me) I pinned something on Pinterest the other day because it made me laugh so hard and it is so so true. It was one of those ecards, it read, "once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. 'Look at this bitch eating those crackers like she owns the place." OH my gosh! You are guilty of it, admit it, you label someone you do not like and then EVERYTHING they do makes you furious...

What if your labels popped up like those little thought bubbles they use in comics? Can you imagine? "snob, cheater, liar, alcoholic, chain smoker, perfectionist, super fit ho..." you get the idea. My labels have changed lately because God has graciously opened my eyes to the fact that I have no clue what I am talking about or whom I am labeling. Super fit ho, could be broken inside and the only outlet, happy place or ease of her pain could be the gym. Snob could be hiding her tremendous self hatred by lashing out or showing off to others. Cheater could be making his or her way back the Lord and their family slowly but surely and we leave no room forgiveness and grace. We let our kids label other kids- bully (and sometimes rightly so), mean girl, poor, nerd, weird. Instead of teaching them that though some labels may be accurate, especially in one instance or circumstance, but it most definitely does not define the person.

There was a country song when I was in college called "You can't hide beautiful" it was totally cheesy (there you go, a label for you) but true. You also, can't hide ugly. I am well aware of it. My best friend Celia reminded me today of this as I regurgitated some frustrations onto her. She also gave me a quote by Maya Angelo that says "when people show you who they are, believe them." When you can rightly label someone I say go ahead file it away. No need to make it public, no need to ruin your day with it, walk on, let them be. But I strongly urge you and myself do not become a label maker. Take baby steps, at first make NO labels. Then when you get the hang of it ask God to show you how to make good labels. God has given me this new sixth sense that has just made me so sensitive and aware of myself creating labels and when others tell me the labels they have made on others (intentionally or unintentionally).

I was reading my pastors blog a few weeks ago and it was on the top reasons for divorce. One of the top reasons was "failure to realize that I am married to a sinner" WHAT THE WHAT??? He is human? Wait? He sins?? I sin? I was BLOWN away. All this time my expectations of my husband were near perfection. That is EXACTLY what I am doing to others. Failing to realize we are all the same. Every label is exchangeable in some form another. OUCH. I am a super fit ho (minus the fit part), a cheater, liar, perfectionistic sinner plus a million other labels all rolled into one. Luckily one of my labels as I discussed on day one is I am a child of God as well. Shown grace every day and so underserving of everything my God gives me. So before you have to go to rehab with God like me, quit making those labels. Walk around for a few days and just imagine those bubbles and instead of labeling pray that you would be given the opportunity to meet the real label that person should have. I told you on day one we don't do labels in my home- that means we don't label ourselves and we do not label others. Again, guilty, working progress here don't label me a label maker.

Restoration in Distress #31daychallenge #day3

OK, you knew it was coming at some point.... the furniture analogy... Those of you who know me, know I operate a very little business called Gussied UP. Painting furniture, distressing it making it look "new." You knew at some point I would have to throw it in here. But the good news is it really is from the Lord so it has to be for someone out there!

The last few years we have had some "distress" in our lives... to some they may be minor, to me catastrophic to some degree. We lost a baby, daddy missed the birth of our last baby by 47 minutes, we have had bumps along the way with family, marriage etc... all of these you can relate to I know it. All of these have been "restored" to me over time. Gussied UP has been active for 9 months. The Lord has chosen to bless it and make it thrive (well, thrive in my eyes - basically I have been busy up to what I can handle every month, I am not striving for greatness, although I would love my own HGTV show!). Back to my point, that is the ADD kicking in you will get use to it. My point is God restored them one at time and through "distress" in my life I have seen his hand at work. When I started Gussied up, the very first time I used a piece of sand paper I heard Him very clearly, I will restore you, I'll rub the heck out of you for a while but just wait. The first time I put the wax on a piece it was like a band-aide but way better got to see the open wound transform in seconds, and all the beautiful colors came out of the distressed areas and even the color that was there was better... brighter.. richer... beautiful.

I am well aware of the cheese in this post, but I was given a very clear picture from the Lord of what distress and the rubbing and the scratching that the world and Satan will mean for harm but God will mean for good looks like. And not just for good, but for beauty and for GLORY. The loss of a child stretched my heart to an extent I didn't even know was there- only to have more space for God to fill. The birth of my son Max was a miracle I got to experience with my best friend and something God restores daily just by looking at her and Him. I saw Christ in my best friend that day, literally, like He was the one rubbing my head and whispering in my ear and kissing me. A miracle not a lot of people get to receive. I marriage restored or relationships restored are the best kind. Making up is fun...

So basically that is why I LOVE what I do. I get to be reminded with every stroke, of His restoration. I get to pray for the people who's piece I am painting or the one who gave it to me (so my Dad gets some extra love because he finds all the fantastic stuff...) or who it is going to. I receive His gifts while using mine. I am so thankful for the gift He gave me. I am so thankful for restoration in distress... twofold.

I love the beginning of "The Jesus Storybook Bible" by Sally Llyod- Jones (ADD sorry- I think every adult should read this book, we all have child-like hearts, we are all children of God, it will speak to you I promise.. Get it). It reads: "God wrote, "I love you" - he wrote it in the sky, and on the earth, and under the sea. He wrote his message everywhere! Because God created everything in his world to reflect him like a mirror- to show us what he is like, to help us know him, to make our hearts sing..."

We are all so gifted, look around you, through and under and after the distress, there is restoration.

Tight Squeeze... #31daychallenge #day2

When we moved to Hickory 5 years ago, it felt like we looked at houses FOREVER. They were either over our budget, or under our budget and SCARY. We accidentally drove by our current home and I made Jeffery stop the car and... I knew. I knew I wanted it, didn't care what the inside looked like (if you saw my kitchen you would say "obviously"). I could see my babies in the yard, I could see us growing old there, met the neighbors- loved them. SOLD. We went to one more house after we saw it and I SOBBED (which if you know me is totally out of character). So God gifted us this home and we still love it, it is us. It is old, quirky, backwards and lovely to us. So when we bought, we had two kids and now we have four. Unexpected gifts. So, Jeffery and I have had an ongoing dialogue about our home situation. We have officially outgrown our butler's pantry and our bathrooms, and the kitchen is about as big as our master bath. So... do we move or renovate? Our kids will only get bigger... I have said, heck no, from the beginning. No way am I leaving this house. Jeffery is pretty open to either idea but I believe favors the move and really thinks we need more space. We have looked at a few houses in the last two years and every time we have come home and looked at each other and said 'what the heck were we thinking??' We were watching HGTV a few weeks ago and a husband said to his wife "you know how I feel about space, smaller home, closer family" BAM, HA, In your face Jeffery Wayne I am right! The kids have never complained about sharing rooms, the kitchen is pretty horrible but completely functional, we are good!

Well, we were good until we saw dream house #2. Not a TON bigger, and still an old quirky home, BUT everything has been UPDATED, we wouldn't have to do a thing to it.... And it is about a boat load of $$ OUT of our price range. Darn you Dave freaking Ramsey. We should bend over backwards, get this house and be house poor and stressed and miserable, yep lets. Then reality and the Lord hit. Look around you at the gift I already gave you. You begged me, stretched yourself and received it and now you have found greener grass... I feel like I do that all the time with God. PLEASE keep my children healthy... oh and make them perfect, smart, popular and "normal" (whatever that means). PLEASE give me a husband... Oh, and make him sinless, perfect and make him wait on me hand and foot. PLEASE let me be more like you... but make it easy, natural and comfortable. I ask for so much and He gives so freely and then I ask for more or for ease. All this to say I pray I can be a little more narrow minded. In the way that a smaller house, tight squeeze, means closer family. I healthy child means a full life, full of mistakes and miracles. A husband, that is perfectly imperfect and a mess right alongside his even more imperfect wife. A God-like me, but one step at a time and room for grace. He gave me my dream home, He could take it away just as easily or give me my next one but I will be happy in my tight squeeze for as long as He has me here...

1 Timothy 6:6 "But Godliness with contentment is great gain"

Labels... #31daywritingchallenge #day1

My oldest daughter Lily Grace is seven now and in second grade.  After only a couple weeks of school I have now had two conversations with her teacher about her progress this year.  Had you asked me a few months ago how I would feel about our discussions I probably would have given you a very different answer than now.  Most parents do not want to hear the acronym ADD. I know, nails on a chalkboard, gasp, sigh.... I really in my heart new it was coming because of the struggles I have had, but if you are a parent you know, you want everything to be easy for your child. I am so thankful for the gift of a wonderful teacher who loves my daughter and knows her heart already.  In the midst of my "dreaded discussion" I was overwhelmed with peace. Yes, things were about to get challenging, frustrating, long, hard... But, it's a label and I have decided we don't do labels in this family...there is really only one label I'd like to give myself, Lily Grace or any other family member and that is Child. Galatians 3:26-28 " So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is no Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ."

There is no ADD, ADHD, popular, unpopular, beautiful, ugly, smart, dumb... Just child. My prayer is that I can pound that in all four of their little heads... You are a child of God, any other label doesn't count, good or bad. Yes, I'll do everything in my power to come along side Lily Grace and give her tools to help with school. But I'll also praise her for her heart, her creativity, her beautiful mind. And I'll thank God for health and this small minor bump in the road that terrifies everyone. 2Timothy 1:7 " For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of POWER and of LOVE and of a SOUND MIND." I will not allow Satan to make my daughter fear ADD but I'll show her to embrace it and I'll continually ask The Lord to help me to not fear it as well and to help me cultivate in her a spirit of Power over it.  So many parents have had these discussions and so many immediately get consumed and fearful. Please please remember there are no labels that matter ultimately, except one... CHILD

Max Raye Update

So many people (an overwhelming number of you) have asked about Max, been praying for Max, texting, calling emailing facebooking us- it is just amazing. Why I would ever think less of the people that the Lord has put in our lives is crazy, but I am truly at a loss for words and so over come with greatfulness and praise... I do want to update people on Max, and so many of you know I am way better typing and writing to communicate than I am in person! AKWARD! AND, it takes 10 minutes to explain all that it is not, and all that is going on with Max!

It has been a nice long two month process- of coughing and wheezing but a week ago today we saw a pediatric pulminologist for the first time. After a few chest X-rays we realized Max's right lung was not compressing fully- foreign body was a possibility (of course my mind went to Ava,lego,bad). Long story short, Max took a turn for the worse so we thought the ER was necessary and we have a lot of help in Charlotte so Levine it was. WHAT A FREAKING PROCESS... 4 nights, 5 days of poking, prodding, 4 IV's a million breathing treatments, steroids, "aggressively attacking it" and one bronchoscope later we pretty much came out with only a few answers- 1. There was a ton of "clear secrections" AKA crap in his lungs that they washed and sucked out ( all you docs out there dont hate I do not speak Monkey). 2. There was no foreign body in Max's lung. 3. He has reactive airways (sensative). 4. maybe a little reflux. 5. Maybe some bacteria (still waiting on cultures) etc... We met with a NEW pediatrician that speaks my language (Brooke Hata a adore you already). Basically, we are going to start the process of elimination. Max will get a sweat test on the 12th (gulp), eventually when his veins recover from being assaulted this week we will do a major Allergy test ( seems more managable), and maybe further testing to see if there is something anatomically going on outside the lung that is keeping it from functioning properly... So, what I thought was going to be the last step in this process is really just the first.

I have been asking the Lord all day to show me how to pray. Of course I want perfect health for my 7month old- but beyond that how do I pray for the coming weeks. I kept saying over and over to myself this week - it could be so much worse, so much worse. Then I spoke with a stunningly beautiful woman - but just a few years older and wiser (Suz im so thankful for you) and she said "but this is your hard" and it was like a damn let loose in my heart- its ok to be a sad, worried, fearful mom sometimes even if you know it could be worse- this is where I am. UH! It was like the Lord gave me permission to live it, to grieve it, to hurt for Max when he hurts, to ache to find out what the H E double hockey sticks is going on... While in the hospital I had two Verses come to mind (but I was singing them since I live in kiddie land) "Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord, always trust Him with all your heart... and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, in all your ways acknowledge him and He will make your path straight..." Of course I need to lean a little on the understanding of these doctors the Lord puts in my path, but definately not my own- only his. On the way home it was "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice. Rejoice, Rejoice and again I say rejoice..." Again, Him, Always, not me.

Most of you who know me know- i would rather hold my breath until I am blue in the face than let the damn loose, but again, freedom to be at my hard has been overwhelming. I feel like lately I have had quite a few people enter my life, or people that have been in my life open up a bit and admit to one major thing- anxiety, fear. I always considered myself fearless, or pretty tough, HA! WRONG! sayeth the Lord! I am learning now, fear unfortunatley has consumed me at times in my life and really controled a lot of it. What does the Lord have to say about fear?

Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"


"You came near when I called you, and you said, “Do not fear.”

1John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. John 4:18

I am scared, Ill be honest, you mess with my babies and you get the wrath but this is out of my control... AND I AM A CONTROL FREAK! So, God is for sure up to something- I am already figuring out what it is for me, what it looks like for Max, we will find out...
Again, I am so thankful for you!
Keep Max and his crazy momma in your prayers!