I must say I have been struggling with this topic for weeks now. A few weeks ago in a bible study we were challenged to become more "present." What the heck does that mean? Well I am slowly learning. I have never felt spiritual warfare as much as I did during this study and now I am understanding why.
I heard a quote once no clue where from I think it was actually a Disney movie " The past is what lies behind you, who knows what the future holds, but the present- well, it is a gift." Jeffery has been gone the last 12 of 14 days and I can honestly say that without the help from my mother and mother-in-law I would have been in Hell. There were times however, even just moments, that I was truly present and it was more refreshing, more relaxing, more rejuvenating than anything I have done in the last few weeks (even the pedicure today wasn't quite as gratifying). Usually on Mondays and and Wednesdays when LG is at school it is go time for Tripp and I. Errands, followed by some work, followed by some cleaning. This week however because i knew I would have time later, I allowed myself the freedom to watch him, play with him, go on an adventure down to the fish pond with him, look at the trees at bugs... And it was truly grand. I saw him for all he was worth. Instead of the loud, draining three year old boy he can be- he was engaging and exciting. I saw for a morning, what it was like to be present. So many times we are thinking, scheming, planning, plotting, working; and we miss A LOT.
We were also challenged in this study to ask ourselves the question Are you sitting around waiting on what you want God to GIVE you? What you can GET from Him? Or are you receiving the things He gives you on a daily basis no matter what size it is or what package it comes in. I was for sure focusing on getting from the Lord not receiving. Lord give me this baby soon, stop the ongoing whining from Lily Grace,calm down my three year old son, take care of the finances, the work load, make my husband what I want him to be, make my kids love me more, want to be be like me.... When really it should be thank you that this baby is healthy and strong, thank you that Lily Grace can share everything with me, that Tripp is fun and exciting and healthy, that we have finances to take care of, that my husband is being molded into who you want him to be, that my children think i hung the moon.. See the difference? How different would our daily lives be if we thought like that all the time. Honestly people that think that way all the time usually make me want to vomit BUT i bet they are really happy and full of joy.
Being pregnant (or even just being a mom), it can be challenging to do those two things: be present and constantly ask myself what has the Lord given me today- and thanking him for it. But that is my prayer for myself and anyone this reaches that you would be present- not miss out on what is right in front of you, it is a gift that we should be constantly aware of and not hoping, asking for something else something more...
Mathew 6:30-34 (The Message)
"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers-most of which are never seen- don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I am trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and they way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God initiative, God provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your every day human concerns are met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
