Friday, October 5, 2012

Max Raye Update

So many people (an overwhelming number of you) have asked about Max, been praying for Max, texting, calling emailing facebooking us- it is just amazing. Why I would ever think less of the people that the Lord has put in our lives is crazy, but I am truly at a loss for words and so over come with greatfulness and praise... I do want to update people on Max, and so many of you know I am way better typing and writing to communicate than I am in person! AKWARD! AND, it takes 10 minutes to explain all that it is not, and all that is going on with Max!

It has been a nice long two month process- of coughing and wheezing but a week ago today we saw a pediatric pulminologist for the first time. After a few chest X-rays we realized Max's right lung was not compressing fully- foreign body was a possibility (of course my mind went to Ava,lego,bad). Long story short, Max took a turn for the worse so we thought the ER was necessary and we have a lot of help in Charlotte so Levine it was. WHAT A FREAKING PROCESS... 4 nights, 5 days of poking, prodding, 4 IV's a million breathing treatments, steroids, "aggressively attacking it" and one bronchoscope later we pretty much came out with only a few answers- 1. There was a ton of "clear secrections" AKA crap in his lungs that they washed and sucked out ( all you docs out there dont hate I do not speak Monkey). 2. There was no foreign body in Max's lung. 3. He has reactive airways (sensative). 4. maybe a little reflux. 5. Maybe some bacteria (still waiting on cultures) etc... We met with a NEW pediatrician that speaks my language (Brooke Hata a adore you already). Basically, we are going to start the process of elimination. Max will get a sweat test on the 12th (gulp), eventually when his veins recover from being assaulted this week we will do a major Allergy test ( seems more managable), and maybe further testing to see if there is something anatomically going on outside the lung that is keeping it from functioning properly... So, what I thought was going to be the last step in this process is really just the first.

I have been asking the Lord all day to show me how to pray. Of course I want perfect health for my 7month old- but beyond that how do I pray for the coming weeks. I kept saying over and over to myself this week - it could be so much worse, so much worse. Then I spoke with a stunningly beautiful woman - but just a few years older and wiser (Suz im so thankful for you) and she said "but this is your hard" and it was like a damn let loose in my heart- its ok to be a sad, worried, fearful mom sometimes even if you know it could be worse- this is where I am. UH! It was like the Lord gave me permission to live it, to grieve it, to hurt for Max when he hurts, to ache to find out what the H E double hockey sticks is going on... While in the hospital I had two Verses come to mind (but I was singing them since I live in kiddie land) "Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord, always trust Him with all your heart... and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, in all your ways acknowledge him and He will make your path straight..." Of course I need to lean a little on the understanding of these doctors the Lord puts in my path, but definately not my own- only his. On the way home it was "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice. Rejoice, Rejoice and again I say rejoice..." Again, Him, Always, not me.

Most of you who know me know- i would rather hold my breath until I am blue in the face than let the damn loose, but again, freedom to be at my hard has been overwhelming. I feel like lately I have had quite a few people enter my life, or people that have been in my life open up a bit and admit to one major thing- anxiety, fear. I always considered myself fearless, or pretty tough, HA! WRONG! sayeth the Lord! I am learning now, fear unfortunatley has consumed me at times in my life and really controled a lot of it. What does the Lord have to say about fear?

Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

"You came near when I called you, and you said, “Do not fear.”

1John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. John 4:18

I am scared, Ill be honest, you mess with my babies and you get the wrath but this is out of my control... AND I AM A CONTROL FREAK! So, God is for sure up to something- I am already figuring out what it is for me, what it looks like for Max, we will find out...
Again, I am so thankful for you!
Keep Max and his crazy momma in your prayers!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

My Fab 5

Oh my Blog, how I have missed you. I have felt one coming on for a while now and just have not known what to title it- or where to even go with it... oh well- here we go with no direction whatsoever!

I have been reading "7" by Jen Hatmaker- who is by the way my new hero, love her, I cannot give myself the compliment of saying that I write like her- cannot even compare. BUT I think like she writes love her thought process! Read it if you have time- and if you don't! In her book she refers to her goup of friends as the "council" I feel the need to list and describe mine since they probably do not even know they are on it- well I sure hope they do. I will officially name, describe, nominate and vote on mine now. Shout them out from the rooftop so that all of my 7 followers can read about you...

1. Celia: My sweet precious Stoic Heroic is what I shall call you. You have endured something I would not even begin to know how to deal with, you live life, you love well, and put up with ME! You listen, you love, you teach, you exemplify, you are all that I would hope to be half of. Where would I be without you. You are the only skinny person I know that can talk about a new type of gym every month, never go to one, and still lookin smokin hot. You are in love with Jesus and TRULY TRULY show it in everything you do- right down to loving on 11 two year olds, and changing some wicked diapers alongside your crazy all over the place best friend. I know without a shadow of a doubt that you pray for me even when I don't deserve your time.... I love you

2. Allison: My "fun" one but "fun" with you would be no fun with anyone else but you my love. I have never heard of anyone pouring themselves into something- anything and everything the way you do- not head first- whole body first. You make me laugh, you make me cry about having four kids and how impossible it is but remind me constantly that God is soveriegn- even when I leave my fourth child places - you forgive me. You constantly point out "all" that I do, but never even notice all that you do. You are intentional with every fiber of your being, and I know without a doubt you pray for me. You walk a crazy life right alongside my crazy one and still find time to with me- even in our numb child infused haze of an exsistence... I love you.

3. Graylynn: My Gravy- thats my new nickname for you (amongst another nickname I love and cannot even type). Why Gravy? Because my plate of obnoxious thanksgiving food (my life) would be so tasteless and boring without you poured out all over it. Even from a distance of hundreds and hundreds of miles- you are right next to me, in all I do, right there. You are my biggest fan my cheerleader like when we run and I am ten steps behind and by the time you pop a squat in someones yard I have finally caught up and you can still say- good job, your doing great- thats what you do for me every day- on the phone, on facebook, via email, to my face. And the best part is- I know if I were doing a piss poor job or messed up- you my love would call me out on it. And I know without a doubt you pray for me... I love you

4. Momma: My life-giver. Can't even decide where to start with you girl. I love that I am 30 and have 4 children and can live vicariously through your grand adventures. You gave me life 30 years ago- you continue to give me life on a daily basis. You love so well. Your imagination and intelligence is beyond anything I could possibly comprehend my love. I will be selfish and only talk about what you do for me- what you do for my family is another blog in iteslf. And I know without a doubt you pray for me... I love you

5. My love: I have officially re-fallen in love with you, with us. You listen to my rantings, my selfishness, my crazy ideas, my twisted way of thinking, my fallen horrible self and you still somehow find a way to love me? You speak truth to me, you process with me, for me sometimes- and you are hands down the best father I know. No pressure ;) and I know without a doubt you pray for me.... I love you

Thats my fab 5. Notice a pattern? Prayer,love,life,joy. I could go on and on and on. Want to know how I "do all I do?" 4 kids, two jobs blah blah blah-look above. God thank you for these precious gifts help me to give back....

I love meeting new people, talking about new things, having new adventures... But boy do I love my security blanket and that circle of trust. These people know everything about me, everything, and still find some way to love me and pray for me- father make me more like them!

I am going to make a new years resolution a few months late and blog some more so maybe I can get to 8 followers? spread a little more joy, a little more funny a little more messy... Find your 5 or 7 or 3 or 10 and thank the Lord you have them and pray for them, hold them tight, try your hardest not to piss them off or run them off and soak in all the goodness that comes from them.