Friday, October 5, 2012
So many people (an overwhelming number of you) have asked about Max, been praying for Max, texting, calling emailing facebooking us- it is just amazing. Why I would ever think less of the people that the Lord has put in our lives is crazy, but I am truly at a loss for words and so over come with greatfulness and praise... I do want to update people on Max, and so many of you know I am way better typing and writing to communicate than I am in person! AKWARD! AND, it takes 10 minutes to explain all that it is not, and all that is going on with Max!
It has been a nice long two month process- of coughing and wheezing but a week ago today we saw a pediatric pulminologist for the first time. After a few chest X-rays we realized Max's right lung was not compressing fully- foreign body was a possibility (of course my mind went to Ava,lego,bad). Long story short, Max took a turn for the worse so we thought the ER was necessary and we have a lot of help in Charlotte so Levine it was. WHAT A FREAKING PROCESS... 4 nights, 5 days of poking, prodding, 4 IV's a million breathing treatments, steroids, "aggressively attacking it" and one bronchoscope later we pretty much came out with only a few answers- 1. There was a ton of "clear secrections" AKA crap in his lungs that they washed and sucked out ( all you docs out there dont hate I do not speak Monkey). 2. There was no foreign body in Max's lung. 3. He has reactive airways (sensative). 4. maybe a little reflux. 5. Maybe some bacteria (still waiting on cultures) etc... We met with a NEW pediatrician that speaks my language (Brooke Hata a adore you already). Basically, we are going to start the process of elimination. Max will get a sweat test on the 12th (gulp), eventually when his veins recover from being assaulted this week we will do a major Allergy test ( seems more managable), and maybe further testing to see if there is something anatomically going on outside the lung that is keeping it from functioning properly... So, what I thought was going to be the last step in this process is really just the first.
I have been asking the Lord all day to show me how to pray. Of course I want perfect health for my 7month old- but beyond that how do I pray for the coming weeks. I kept saying over and over to myself this week - it could be so much worse, so much worse. Then I spoke with a stunningly beautiful woman - but just a few years older and wiser (Suz im so thankful for you) and she said "but this is your hard" and it was like a damn let loose in my heart- its ok to be a sad, worried, fearful mom sometimes even if you know it could be worse- this is where I am. UH! It was like the Lord gave me permission to live it, to grieve it, to hurt for Max when he hurts, to ache to find out what the H E double hockey sticks is going on... While in the hospital I had two Verses come to mind (but I was singing them since I live in kiddie land) "Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord, always trust Him with all your heart... and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, in all your ways acknowledge him and He will make your path straight..." Of course I need to lean a little on the understanding of these doctors the Lord puts in my path, but definately not my own- only his. On the way home it was "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice. Rejoice, Rejoice and again I say rejoice..." Again, Him, Always, not me.
Most of you who know me know- i would rather hold my breath until I am blue in the face than let the damn loose, but again, freedom to be at my hard has been overwhelming. I feel like lately I have had quite a few people enter my life, or people that have been in my life open up a bit and admit to one major thing- anxiety, fear. I always considered myself fearless, or pretty tough, HA! WRONG! sayeth the Lord! I am learning now, fear unfortunatley has consumed me at times in my life and really controled a lot of it. What does the Lord have to say about fear?
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"
"You came near when I called you, and you said, “Do not fear.”
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. John 4:18
I am scared, Ill be honest, you mess with my babies and you get the wrath but this is out of my control... AND I AM A CONTROL FREAK! So, God is for sure up to something- I am already figuring out what it is for me, what it looks like for Max, we will find out...
Again, I am so thankful for you!
Keep Max and his crazy momma in your prayers!