Sunday, October 16, 2011
I turn 30 in T-minus 53 days (but I'm not counting). For a long time now I have been dreading it- like this black hole I am going to fall into and everything just goes down hill after it. BUT my 29th year has not been the best so I have decided to change my attitude and make 30 the best year yet... The Lord has been showing me a lot about myself lately - obviously - and He really revealed something so beautiful to me today in the midst of struggle that I have just got to share. Above you see a picture of a view from the inside of the cave of Adullum (thank you Dodd!). This is the cave David fled to - when everything around him was falling apart. This is the psalm he wrote while in it:
1 I cry aloud to the LORD;
I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy.
2 I pour out before him my complaint;
before him I tell my trouble.
3 When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who watch over my way.
In the path where I walk
people have hidden a snare for me.
4 Look and see, there is no one at my right hand;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.
5 I cry to you, LORD;
I say, “You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living.”
6 Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
7 Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me.
As men and women were sharing in our body today what the Lord was teaching them/showing them in the midst of struggle "having the crutches knocked out from under them." I just kept thinking and listening to Dodd say- how sweet your time can be with the Lord during these dark, dark places in our lives. Then I looked up on the screen and saw this picture from inside the cave and it hit me. What better place is there then in this small, confined, dark place to meet the Lord almighty and have Him speak to me. I spend so much time looking "toward the light" and wondering how the heck am I ever going to get out, where it is bright, loud, and there are so many distractions- oh, that's why He has me in here, He wants my full, undivided attention. Again, what better place than this tiny hole to meet the Lord. I am in my second trimester with my fourth child and the one thing that still amazes me is that the Lord is in that tiny little place with my baby, speaking to him or her loving on him or her knitting their every fiber together- what better place to be met than this little, dark place- its where we first hear from the Lord and where he meets us when He needs our full attention. I cannot tell you enough how sweet my time has been with him through losing a baby, and other hard things life has thrown at me in the last few months. Now of course I would not ask for more pain, but I have so loved my time with Him lately. We went and saw the movie Courageous tonight and I balled my way through it again because I thought - it could be so much worse than what I have gone through- look at people who have lost a child, a parent a loved one... A pastor in the movie challenges a father who has lost his daughter and tells him he has a choice- he can be angry for the time with his daughter that was taken away or he can be thankful for the time that he had with her. What an amazing perspective much like the cave- I can spend my time angry that I am there and try to figure out how to get out or I can be thankful for the time I had in there and that it could be so much much worse. So, 30 may not get me out of this dang cave, but I am going to make the most of it and have a party in there- and thank God for all He has revealed to me, and my prayer is the same for you- if you are there in that lonely dark place - try your hardest to enjoy the Lord- His presence is so sweet and fulfilling.