Day 10
Going through this stage with Lily Grace of figuring out what is best for her and her "ADD" (even though I don't do labels I have to call it something) has made me look back a lot on my "ADD tendencies." I'll just be real honest here... There is a reason I teach two year olds... I am not smart. This is not a pity party I'm actually almost,barely, pretty comfortable in my own skin. I am just aware and in no denial I am not smart. Through high school, I really wanted to be one of those girls who had really neat handwriting, took really good notes, got straight A's and I just wasn't... I didn't care too much. In college I worked really really hard because I actually loved political science (mostly because it made me feel smart) and I struggled to make high B's... And I cared a little bit more. Now, it takes me awhile to work through a book, and that's if I can commit to a book for more than a chapter, I forget everything I read and it pisses me off. I want to be one of those people who reads a lot and enjoys it... I usually have to read a paragraph a couple times to get it. And the worst part is I tend to forget it shortly after I read it... I am for the most part organized but it my own chaotic way... Again, not a pity party, oh whoa is me... Just facts I'm throwing out here.
So, with Lily Grace, I am so thankful (except for the fact she probably got the gene from me) that I have struggled, so I know how to support her. How to constantly encourage how to help her with homework, encourage her with friendships (which I am realizing is an "add" struggle). And truly come alongside her. Anyways, backs to smarts. I just lack a lot of them. I lack efficiency as well. Jeffery has nicknamed me efficient Elizabeth (smart ass). I go from one task to the next with occasional completion I go from point "a" to point "b" but stop at "s,q,y,m,o, and x" on the way... (Thanks Brooke for the great example). It's how God made me, I can laugh at it, shake it off. But when it comes to my girl it's a lot harder. I hate to see her struggle, to see the words "lonely, left out, not finishing tasks, lack of confidence, sad" associated with her. But, I'm so glad made me not smart. I can be pretty creative (not that smart people can't be), I can be pretty spontaneously creative-"wing it" as they say. I love kids, two year olds in particular ( you realize that is a rare gift). I can paint furniture and have eye for color that's a plus... All this to say I'm pretty ok with being not so smart. It would be pretty exhausting and even though sometimes I long for smarts, I really do feel like there is more room for the Holy Spirit in my head and heart.
Today I was thankful that I was taking my daughter to the doctor for something that made her special, unique, artistic,brilliant. Not for something disabling. Whether you are super smart (jerk), artistic, efficient (punk), inefficient, outgoing, introverted... I pray you are able to find your gifts. I pray that you can be almost, barely, pretty comfortable in your own skin. It's fun. I still get frustrated but ultimately I am trying to see my gifts... I pray you do too.
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